Fresh from his attempts to bring peace to the Middle East, former President and Nobel Peace Prize winner, Jimmy Carter is to tackle an even thornier problem: how to bring peace to the Democratic Party.
"I know its a major challenge," Carter explained, "probably the biggest of my career, but I believe it can be done. I believe that if we get this pair around a table we can make major progress. I believe that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are both people of good will. But, then, I believe that rabbits can swim".
A spokesperson for the Clinton campaign was dismissive of Carter's efforts: "I think he is probably going senile," said a source who didn't want to be named in order to be especially nasty. The Clinton campaign has consistently refused to negotiate with Obamaniacs, whom they label as "terrorists".
The Obama campaign was no more positive. "There will be no negotiations with the Clintonistas," said a spokesman. "President Obama will meet with Kim, Castro, Ahmadinejad, even bin Laden, but we have to draw the line somewhere".
The McCain campaign was unable to make a coherent comment as a result of their spokesman being overcome by a fit of the giggles.